Whatever It Takes
by thesuttonian
Summary: Brendan-centric fic based on recent events in HO. Brendan's POV. Set after the reveal of Walker's secret. Sexual content - don't like, don't read.


The house was silent. The darkness seemed to envelope him. Before, before all this he had often enjoyed quiet moments such as this; alone in the flat. No noise. It was often so loud in the club. So loud that he couldn't hear himself think and so he would seek solace here, in his home. But now, he felt scared and the fear gnawed at him, relentlessly. Brendan exhaled and continued to stare up at the ceiling. From his position on the bed, he could see the doorway. He was fully clothed. There was no way he was being carried out dead and naked he had resolved that days ago. He felt to his side. The metal felt cold to his touch and his breathing slowed a little. He understood that the gun was probably giving him false confidence, but at the moment, with the way he was feeling, he'd take it.

Sighing, he brushed his hand through his hair. He was such an idiot. Why had he done it? He hadn't been thinking of it, he was sure, but sitting there with him, their knees touching, the plate balanced in his hand where he'd unwrapped the jam sandwich for him and the playful, almost teasing way he'd spoken had made him think he had wanted him to kiss him. But the minute he had tried and Stephen had jumped up in alarm, clearly spooked. He knew he'd made a big mistake and now he was left wondering, how could he protect Stephen? How could he protect him if he wasn't there? Protect him? That was a joke. He was useless. He looked down at his legs, the pain he felt each time he tried to put any weight on them was incredible. Who was he kidding? He couldn't protect anyone at the moment.

Suddenly, there was a bang outside. Brendan felt his whole body tense and he immediately went on high alert. He hated being like this. He felt like a caged animal. He heard the shuffle and scrabble of two cats fighting outside, their meowing reaching a high crescendo. He let out another sigh. He would give anything now for one of the others to be there. Joel. Cheryl. Stephen. But the truth was, there was no one there for him. Tears pricked his eyes. Not for himself. For them. They were not safe whilst _he_ was out there.

Brendan swiped the tears from his eyes. What was the point? They didn't help. His phone was on silent, but in the darkness the screen glowed as he received a text.

'Don't worry about earlier. It was just a misunderstanding. I am still here for you, ok. Rest and sleep. S'

He read the text twice over. Stephen wasn't angry with him. He hardly dared to believe it. After all he'd done, Stephen was still there for him. His heart swelled. The light glowed again. He immediately picked up the phone, thinking that Stephen had had an afterthought, but this text was not from him.

'Tick. Tock' read the text.

He felt his heart rate increase.

Walker. Simon Walker. Bent copper. Vengeful brother. Psychopath.

Brendan trembled slightly as he held the phone. He was not used to this sensation. Fear. It had been a long time since anyone had gotten under his skin like this and he did not like that it was Walker.

...

'Fuck, Brendan.'

Brendan felt pain searing through his body. He'd lashed out at the sound of Cheryl's name, but Walker had matched him blow for blow. Instinctively he'd jabbed at Walker's stomach, a move he'd learned at the boxing club he'd frequented for most of his teenage years. But Walker had pushed him off, landing blows of his own. Brendan had then resorted to fighting dirty; another product of his teenage years, taking the vase off the side and slamming it into Walker's face. That had been enough: he'd gotten the advantage and used it to throw the other man into the side table. They'd crashed to the ground, Brendan on top, his weight pressing down on his opponent. And then things had changed. Looking down at Walker, Brendan saw a slight smile cross his lips and before he had chance to process any real thought Walker had crashed his mouth to his in a hungry kiss.

They kissed briefly and at that moment Brendan just wanted to feel. Something. Anything. He'd been with men before who had liked it rough like this. Basic. Animalistic. In truth, he'd also enjoyed it. Mostly. He reached behind him and unbuckled Walker's belt. Walker lay beneath him and Brendan could feel he was hard. Hard for him. He pushed Walker's t-shirt up roughly and pushed his face to the side. Walker gave no resistance. Brendan licked up Walker's torso savouring the taste of him: a taste that was so purely masculine. Walker tried to turn his face to Brendan a little, but Brendan blocked this and pushed his face to the side. At this point, this wasn't what he wanted. Needed. He moved his attention to Walker's face, tasting him. He did not want to kiss. He wanted to fuck. And the strain against his groin told him Walker wanted the same. He pushed Walker on to his stomach and quickly pulled down his trousers and boxers. He slicked up his cock with spit and pushed into the man below him. Walker yielded, a slight grunt coming from his lips. After, Brendan would upbraid himself for being so foolish. No protection. But at the time he was lost. Lost to it all. He'd thrust hard then hardly giving Walker any time to adjust and it had felt good. He realised now that it was just feeling. That's what he had craved. He came quickly. He moved himself off Walker, not speaking. He had then gone into the bathroom and when he came out, Walker had gone. He realised that although it hadn't seemed possible, he felt emptier than he had before.

...

Brendan could feel the sweat gathering on his brow. This was the first time he'd really recalled that night between them. He felt sick. Walker had fooled him. Brendan felt a twinge of, what was it? Shame? He had believed that Walker had wanted him, but now he realised it had all been fake. He had tricked Brendan and had sex with him to get Brendan to 'trust' him. Let him in. And it had worked, outside the holiday cottage he had told Walker something he had never told any other living soul. Something he had vowed he would never tell. His father had abused him.

Brendan remembered now, Walker's voice on the phone when he thought he was talking to, what was her name? The excitement. Brendan had deadpanned 'I did not see that coming.' But in truth, he hadn't. Not at all. And then all hell had let loose.

He lay on his bed now turning recent events over in his mind. There was only one thing that was important. The ones he loved. Walker had made it clear he was coming for them. Brendan resolved at that moment, he would have to be one step ahead. And whatever it took, well, that went without saying.


End file.
